ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
