dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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