dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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