he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
