cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
