I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
