So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
