Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i've created a new STD.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
