oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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