Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
