my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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