Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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