What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
