There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize