3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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