In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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