DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
