Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
