3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
