i will never coherently bang her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
