OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
