i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
