Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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