Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
