if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
