You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I won the penis lottery.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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