Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
