Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
