Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
