if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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