Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
