Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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