i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
