it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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