You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
