hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
