he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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