wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize