We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize