i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
