I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
