true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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