New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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