Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
