You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
