If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so let's talk penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
