This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
