he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
