she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
