He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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