you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
