you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
nutella sex= disaster
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is my gift to your gina
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
