btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
