You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
now i know why i became what i already was.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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