Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
accomplished twins. life is a go
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
