im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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