I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
