one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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