Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
