After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
