shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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