ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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